Are you the firefighter or the flamethrower in your relationship? The beginning of most relationships start with a “spark”. Over time, the frequent date nights, the endless conversations, and everything so exciting at the beginning of the relationship slightly vanishes. Often times, one or both partners become bored, things become too predictable, and quality time becomes quantity time. You and your partner may spend a lot of time together but are disengaged with one another and your attention is elsewhere. When fuel is not being added to the fire in a relationship, the fire will eventually diminish.
The firefighter in a relationship is predictable, complacent, and lacks creativity. When you become too routined, too comfortable, and not doing anything to spice up the relationship, you are simultaneously extinguishing your fire. Lacking creativity affects romance, dates, gift ideas, communication, and even sex life. When you become too boring it increases the likelihood of your partner’s interest in other things and people. In a relationship, we have responsibilities to fulfill the desires of our partner. These responsibilities include but are not limited to, entertainment, support, sexual desires, and intimacy. “I don’t have time” is not a viable excuse. We make time for things that are important to us. How many times have you made special arrangements to watch a new episode for your favorite television show? How many hair appointments have you missed? Don’t allow the challenges of every day life to water down your flames. Let’s state the facts, certain things about our relationship eventually become routined but it is important to keep it exciting and throw a few flames from time to time.
Can you still keep the fire burning after years of being together? Of course you can, relationships require hard work and dedication. We still spice it up from time to time and you can too! When excitement is rarely occurring, we grow bored and our partner’s weaknesses overshadow their strengths. When you are constantly reinventing yourself, spontaneous, and value intimacy you demonstrate the qualities of a flamethrower. By reinventing yourself, your focus is not on becoming a different person but improving your attributes and drawing your partner closer to you. When adding that extra fire, it adds excitement and optimism from your spouse. For example, “You are so romantic!” or “You keep me happy.” In a “flamethrowing” relationship, you both keep dating each other and doing the things that brought you two together. You both do different things, go different places, and try new hobbies together. By throwing flames, it intensifies spontaneity, spices things up, and keeps it interesting.
Noone wants a dull, boring, and predictable relationship. If you do, you should probably seek counseling immediately. It takes constant work to keep any fire burning and that includes fire in your relationship. Keep feeding your fire with open communication, creative dates, and seduction. Enjoy time together but don’t lose yourself in the process. “Me time” is essential, give each other space from time to time, it makes your time together more valuable. Flames only need to be thrown periodically. It is impossible for someone to throw flames and spontaneity all the time. A flame here and there is enough to keep your relationship burning with passion. So let’s not extinguish and water down our fire by becoming complacent and taken our partner for granted. Keep the “spark” that brought you and your partner together. Continue to grow together and allow your love to blaze in all aspects!