What Men Really Want

For the majority of women, it is easy to get a guy but when it comes to keeping him and his interest is a different story. From single women to married women, all women want to know how to keep a man interested in them.

Here’s a list of things that men really want revealed by Jonathan and his six male friends discussions.

Beauty catches the eye but becomes less important with time.

Once a man knows your beautiful, you don’t have to focus on your physical appearance everyday but instead focus on other areas of the relationship that men actually care about. If your husband wants a “quickie” before work it’s ok to lose time putting on extra make up or not curling your hair and putting it in a ponytail. He’s going to work and could care less about your made up face.

Be more than a partner, be his friend.

A woman needs to be “cool”. What I mean by that is someone he can actually communicate with and enjoy her company. She has to be a nice change up from hanging with the boys. If a man is watching sports, it’s ok to pretend your watching even if your not interested. A “cool” woman thoughtfully gives space, takes care of her man as his mother would but does NOT try to boss him like his mother or any mother does.

Self-sufficiency 

Being able to manage money is sexy. Men like a woman that makes good financial decisions and is capable of taking care of herself. A confident man likes to take care of a woman but we don’t like to be her only resource. We are looking for someone to help bring us up, not bring us down financially.

Boost his Ego

Know when to be “girly” and when to be “womanly”. The girly side is depending on him to do manly things such as checking the tire or anything that a dad would do. A man likes to feel needed and once he checks your tire, make him feel admired. Constantly compliment your man and make him feel stronger, smarter, and better looking than he actually is. The womanly side is not being bossy but noticing little things that he may forget such as the laundry or including vegetables in his meal. A true woman knows to put him in line when needed and to put it on him when needed.

A Good Sexual Appetite

A good appetite doesn’t mean that your actually hungry but if the food looks and smells good your willing to take a small serving of it. If your husband has a appetite, even if your not hungry, be willing to feed his needs. It’s ok to say no sometimes but don’t let one or two nights turn into a week. The bible says for husbands and wives, (1 Corinthians 7:5) “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Remember, for every one or two no’s, be willing to bring your “A-game” later.

Be Mysterious 

Most men like a challenge and figuring things out. Be the biggest fish in the pond, hard to reel in. Be a challenge, don’t reveal too much about you verbally and be selective in revealing your physical assets. A mysterious woman has a depthness about her and is more than just good looks. She has many great qualities about her but the only way to experience that is by spending quality time with her and giving her a reason to open up to you. Make him buy the book, if you reveal everything on the cover, he’ll have no reason to read it. Mystery adds suspense and surprise to any relationship and will keep him intrigued.

Many women have anger and resentment toward men because they don’t know what men really want. All men are different, find out what your man likes and succeed in it. Boys don’t know what they want but a real man knows what he wants in a woman and knows how to appreciate a good woman!

A Daily Reminder

One day after work I decided to surprise my wife with flowers and with that surprise came a little promise. The flowers are a symbol of my commitment to keep our relationship fresh. The flowers will die after 7 to 10 days. At least three to four times a month, the flowers will be replaced. This will serve as a reminder to show my wife how much I love and appreciate her. The flowers will die and as I replace them I am reminded to freshen our relationship through intimate moments, creative dates, romance, and/or quality time.

If you choose to use this idea, choose something that’s affordable. I used 10.00 grocery store flowers and used a vase from home. I chose flowers because it’s not something I would use for a gift or just because. Choose something simple that you wouldn’t typically buy as a gift, you don’t want to use your “go to plays”. For a special occasion or just because I typically send Edible Arrangements; therefore I was able to use the flowers as my convenant.

I encourage all men to be creative and create a symbol that your wife will appreciate and that you can replace three to four times a month. This could be something as simple as a grocery item you both love that typically last a week. You could also be creative by using a dry erase board and write a reason why you love her each week. Laundry detergent could be used as a symbol to wash out your bad habits or freshening up your relationship.

Be creative and show appreciation to your wife on a daily basis. Remember, your relationship is a daily investment and the more you put in it, the more you get out of it!

Personalized Gift Basket

A personalized romantic gift is a one-of-a-kind keepsake that will always be cherished.  It can be given on a special holiday or just because! The picture above is a a gift that I made for my husband. Jonathan enjoys reading so I included spiritual books, a mini notebook, bookmarks, sticky notes, and a bible cover in his basket. To make it even more personal, I added his favorite candy and love notes we’ve written one another from 8th grade until now in the basket.

The bow, plastic wrapping, and a few other items I used to make the basket were bought from a store called Hobby Lobby. This is a gift idea for anyone that wants to make a unique and thoughtful gift. Include items in the basket that your partner enjoys or likes. It will make your partner feel loved like no other!

A Simple Recipe

                           

       Ingredients

    Regroup “cool down”                Positive Approach

   Mutual agreement                    Active  Listening

So let’s indicate what we are whipping up with the ingredients. These  are the key components to help build the foundation for effective communication when topics arise that are difficult for couples to discuss. By learning to really listen  to each other and using effective ways to communicate will allow couples to manage conflict. All couples will experience conflict but knowing how to handle conflict is one of the key ingredients for a successful relationship. Let’s discuss the ingredients needed to mix thoroughly, blend until smooth, and to serve on a daily basis.

Communicating effectively isn’t always an easy task. We are still learning how to effectively communicate with one another and have learned that our styles of communication are different.  Two people have different personalities and come from different backgrounds so communication may be expressed differently. One person may be more emotional or expressive when talking than the other.  It is important to learn your partner’s communication style. Our voice tone, facial expressions, or body language can inhibit a message from being apprehended.  So often we judge body language, facial expressions, or the tone of voice versus the message itself. To diminish negative responses it is important to pick the right time to convey an important message. Many times we think we need to be heard the minute we have a thought or feeling when the other person is wrapped into something else.By allowing a person to “check in” before you deliver your message will help prevent a negative response.  Both partners should pick a time to communicate about an issue when there are no distractions so that both partners can give their full attention and approach it positively. It takes two and both partners have to be willing to take turns as the speaker and listener.

Just think, how many conversations have drifted off into an argument due to the presentation of the message. When a message is submitted to someone when that person is not interested it can lead to negative body language, voice tone, and/or facial expressions. It is also important not to “attack” your partner when presenting a message. For example, “You are always messing up the kitchen!”  When we constantly repeat “you” and are giving negative statements of what the other partner is doing or does, it can lead to a heated argument. Using “I” and “me” when delivering a message won’t allow your partner to feel attacked or blamed. For example, “I get aggravated when the kitchen is a mess and not cleaned up.” We have to “cool down” and pick the right time and place to present a message so that both partners can tune in and manage the issue together. Learning effective ways to communicate won’t help us avoid conflict in our relationship but will help prevent the conflict we do have from demolishing our relationship.

How should we communicate? One of the  most important steps of effective communication is to listen attentively without interruption. Listening and allowing the other person to get his or her message delivered is vital in a relationship. A positive approach and having a positive regard to your partner’s thoughts and feelings is one of the first steps for effective communication. In our relationship, one person has the dominant personality so the other person feels like they hardly ever get their point across; therefore when the next topic approaches the person that isn’t as dominant is venting. So to solve an issue in this situation, it is important to allow one another to get each point across so that both partners can feel confident in their role in the relationship. We have to learn to accept ones feelings and differences and to verbally acknowledge compliance to what the other person is saying. In many cases, we have to accept that we will not always agree with our partner on every issue and agree to disagree. We hear this statement used very often but agreeing to disagree on sensitive issues can be done by two people who are willing to compromise and this will determine the strength of a relationship. Successful long-term relationships involve ongoing effort and compromise by both partners.

So a simple recipe for effective communication in the midst of issues and conflict that will arise can be prepared by couples who are willing to use the key ingredients and not rely on selfish actions to ruin the “meal” that is designed to nourish the relationship that you have built and are continuing to build!

How to Choose a Partner

If we are in the market of house shopping, of course we’re going to have a few houses that attracts us more than others. However, we would not make that purchase without the approval of an inspector. The inspector will tell us about the foundation of the house (the moral makeup of the person).  We may want to inspect the moral goals of a person, the person’s view on spirituality, commitment, family values, character, and hobbies.

Our point is, choose a partner based off traits that won’t fade over time. Physical appearance may diminish with age, weight gain, or health. A pure heart, generous spirit, a loyal soul will blossom with time. It is always wise to choose a partner beyond just the things that meet the eye for a long lasting relationship.

Random Romantic Moments

Romance, something used very often in the beginning of most relationships and usually dulls down after a while. We all have to remember what you did to get that person should be same to keep him or her. The lack of romance can affect your emotional intimacy and sex life. After 9 years, we both keep the romance going. For a successful relationship romance is vital. Here are a few inexpensive ways to keep romance alive!

1. After a long day of work, it’s always great to come home to soft music, candlelights, and a home cooked meal. It’s the little things that mean so much!

2.Writing your partner sweet or sexy notes and leave them in his or her car, on the mirror, or in a lunch bag.

3. Suprise your partner with a romantic night out. You both can go to a nice restaurant or spice it up with something different such as Salsa night (dance lessons) or a live play. You know what your partner likes so choose something he or she would enjoy.

4. Attention, sounds crazy huh? Put down your phone and other electronic devices and give your partner 100% of your attention. Communication is vital and asking your partner what he or she wants to talk about will make your partner feel loved and important.

Romance is contagious, when you create romance your partner will do the same in return if he or she truly loves you. Consistency is key, make time to do at least one romantic thing with your partner per week.

Sleeping Separately

We are not saying it’s wrong to sleep in separate rooms each night but we wouldn’t encourage it. Sleeping in separate rooms is a disconnect. Some couples may sleep in separate rooms for something as minor as the television being on or off. Whatever reason people have for not sleeping together has to be less than the desire of just wanting that person next to you. When we get mad at one another and one of us attempts to sleep on couch, we never go through with it the whole night. Anytime u have to be close to your significant other you should use it, in most households both people work which means they are already separated so that time together each night is needed.

Every couples situation is different. Some couples may sleep in different rooms due to snoring or very bad sweating. If sleeping with that person does more harm than good then we would recommend finding time to connect early in the mornings before work. You can also spend quality time together before going to bed.  Use your time wisely with your partner and be creative before and after sleep. It’s all about what makes BOTH of you happy and making the most out of quality time.

Love vs In Love

Love like any other thing in this world has to be maintained. The moment u stop investing in your relationship the moment decay starts to tear away what u have built. Love is a daily investment, the more u invest in love, the more decay it will take to diminish what u have.You can love many times, love is a choice, but being in love only happens once or twice in a lifetime. When you love you are in control, but when you are ‘in love’ you feel like it is bigger than you are. When you are ‘in love’ you love that person through the good and bad. Falling in love is built my memories and moments that create a foundation, it is not something that just happens overnight.

Are you in love with love? Many people are in love with love and not the person. Are you in a relationship due to the fear of loneliness because you feel that a piece of love is better than no love at all? Don’t allow anyone to fill your emotional void, sometimes the misuse of love can do more harm than no love at all. Giving your heart to the wrong person can hinder you from loving a worthy person in the future. Sometimes we let our present state of loneliness cripple the future that God has planned for us.

Love vs in love, don’t let your infatuation with a person confuse you with being in love with a person. These steps are meant to be gradual, so often we want to take matters into our own hands versus allowing time to take its course.